If I was the type of person who...

I heard an inspiring story the other day. I was listening to (watch out: nerd alert) NPR's 'This American Life' and the final story in the series was, in a roundabout way, a story about faith. In a nutshell, this man had strayed from the Catholic faith in which he was raised because they taught him that he was a sinner by being gay, that who he was is wrong. However, in a time of crisis when his mother was dying, he found his way back into a church. He wasn't the kind of person who could really have faith in something that scorned who he was. But somehow, he decided that if he was the kind of person who could believe, he would go through the motions. Much like if his mother was the type of person who would curse, she'd say "Fuck" when she found out that she wouldn't survive the night.

I know that probably doesn't make sense, but oh well. Just download the podcast on iTunes, the episode is titled 'Return to the Scene of the Crime.' You'll understand.

Anyhow, the whole reason for me writing about this is that I've decided that I think if I was the type of person who could believe, I would. My rational thoughts all tell me that there is too much hypocrisy and human error to make it logical. Or real. However, the familiarity and the rhythm could be good for me. And for my faith. I have a feeling that I'll need something in my life in the next couple years that will help hold my foundations and give me something to trust when things get rough. Because they will. I can count on my family but there's only so far they can take it.

So I return again tomorrow. I'll walk over to the neighborhood Anglican church and see how it goes. Maybe I'll become the type of person who can believe.